Rules

Rules are typically part of any household. Even if kids aren’t always a fan of them.

But what about when you have two homes and there are two different sets of rules at each home?

Want to know how kids and parents can navigate this? Read on to learn more.

What Rules?

There are many types of rules that exist within households. Let’s consider the simple kind of rules, such as:

• Bedtimes

• No swearing

• No eating before dinner

• Wash up your own plate, etc.

Different Sets of Rules in Different Homes

As a Kid of Divorce, you can often experience different rules in your two homes. Here is a personal experience to better explain what this can look like:

How Can This Make Kids of Divorce Feel?

As a kid with two homes, the above example was conflicting.  Mum always said no, but dad was saying yes. I recall thinking: when did the rule “no eating before dinner” apply? I guess it depended on which home I was at.

Ultimately, having different sets of rules in each home can be confusing for kids of divorce. 

This can leave kids of divorce feeling annoyed, defiant or frustrated.

If you’re a co-parent reading this, you’ve likely heard your kid say “well dad/mum lets us do [X], why don’t you?!”

So, What’s The Solution?

For Kids:

Leave the adult stuff to the adults.

What rules and boundaries are placed on you at your homes is not something that is in your control. Neither is it your responsibility. You’re just the kid.

You’ll get to make the rules one day when you have your own home, but for now, it’s up to your parents to work it out.

For parents:

Co-parent communication is the key.

It’s not up to the kids, it is up to the co-parents.

The first time you hear about the rules your co-parent is implementing in their home should not be from your kid. It is not the kids’ responsibility to communicate what sets of rules they have at each house.

Effectively communicating with your co-parent about what rules you can both implement into your homes will help increase consistency and stability for your kid. You will also likely find your kid will be more inclined to follow these rules.

Remember, household rules are made up BY adults FOR kids.

I often say: “leave the adult stuff to the adults”. This saying is applicable here.

“But My Co-Parent Won’t Listen”

Remind yourself and your co-parent:

“This is not about us or our conflict, this is about creating a stable environment for our kids regardless of what home they are at.”

This is vital to ensuring that your kid has stability and guidance at each home. It will also help erase the opportunity for your kid to build up resentment and frustration due to separate rules at each home.

You’ve Got This

Whether you’re a kid struggling with two separate sets of rules at your two homes or a parent trying to discipline your kid against your co-parent’s parenting style, you’ve got this.

Kids, remember: Leave the adult stuff to the adults.

Co-parents, remember: Household rules are made up BY adults FOR kids. Implement effective co-parenting communication to achieve consistent rules for your kid at both of their homes.

Have any questions? Submit a contact form here. You've got this.